No One Will See It Anyway...

I like to consider myself a hard worker and put forth the effort to do my job correctly in every aspect.  Today I learned that most of my team is skating by and not even putting in the time for review just to get numbers.  I alerted my supervisor to this and did not get the response I was expecting.  Maybe that's my issue, I expect too much out of people.  I was raised to have a work ethic and put forth what you want out of job, career, anything really.  I do that, with everything at work I do, I put forth my best effort to make sure the job is correctly done the first time.

I am the senior member of my team so I know wrong when I see it and it's just wrong all the time now. I can't help but feel that my work ethic is not wanted and not noticed.  I still feel the lingering stink of a former co-worker who was, to be perfectly frank, a asshat.  Said asshat liked to see me upset and would do and say anything to make me upset.  When I tried to anonymously vent my frustrations I would get in trouble, because for some dumb reason my supervisor at the time found out.  I know, dumb me.  But instead of talking to the offender, they talked to me, the offendee, repeatedly telling me that I can't vent about it because I'll get in trouble, even though no names were used, not even mine or where I worked, and that I should ignore the harassment.  Where I work there is, supposed to be, a zero tolerance policy against harassment, however my harasser just kept right on harassing and being an asshat.

Thankfully asshat is in another department so they can do asshatty things there far away from me.  I still feel like I have to make up for the 2 year reign of terror that asshat delivered to me.  IT WASN'T MY FAULT...I tried to ignore it and I tried to go through the "proper" channels to deal with it, but I was rebuffed.  I am good at what I do, sure it's not a lot and I want to do a lot more, but I'm good at what I do.  Better than most people, because I have a such a good work ethic.  Sure I make mistakes, everyone does, but I'm not a lazy no good philandering bump on a log.  All these other "workers" aren't half as smart as I am, and this isn't just my opinion, they don't produce the quality of work I do and they aren't dedicated like I am.  And still they squeak by without being talked to about anything.

I guess I'm just tired of being the hard working individual I am, man that sounded conceited, but I digress.  Being rewarded for hard work is hard and not all that rewarding, but I won't let myself reduce my standards to be like everyone else.  I just infuriated at the circumstance and the other jobs I interviewed for turned me down because said hiring supervisor worked with me during the asshat chronicles and probably doesn't want to work with me again.

To sum up, I'm way too talented and smart for the position I am in but I have no other options and I will be forever infuriated with asshat and those who subscribe to a lazy work philosophy.

The Internet Is For Something...I Forget What...

I love the internet.  It’s a great tool, not only does it contain tons of information but you can meet amazing people, watch your favorite television shows after they air and read & discover things you never knew existed.  However in the hands of vicious and cruel people it can become a tool to cut people down and make them feel like they are 2 inches tall.  I’ve had experience with both.  

I’ve met some amazing and wonderful friends through Twitter, Facebook and FanFiction.net and I adore and love them with all my heart.  I would defend them with everything I have, because that’s the kind of person I am.  I would never, repeat, never do anything intentional to hurt them and if I ever did I would do everything in my power to make it right.  I know that these are just words on a screen but if you have known me longer than a day, you know this about me.  I’ve also done research on my favorite subjects, I work on the internet, I write fan fiction stories, basically the internet is a part of my daily life, just as I’m sure it’s a part of yours.  

The other part I mentioned would be the vicious and cruel people.  I had actually never encountered them before I joined Twitter.  Most of my Twitter family, 99% actually, now 100%, I weeded out the bad apple, so to speak.  Internet bullies are something I never thought I would have to deal with but was always wary of, which is why I was hesitant to post my stories online.  I first posted them in 2011 with the push of some friends at work and received very positive results and reviews.  It wasn’t until this year in July that things took a turn for the worse.

I posted a blog, I know glutton for punishment, about personal and traumatic experiences.  This person with no evidence to the contrary stated they were untrue and that I was lying about being raped.  I was extremely upset by these anonymous comments so much so that I took down the blog.  After I took it down, this person started to attack my writing through my fan fiction stories.  Leaving anonymous guest reviews saying that I should give up my hobby and my lucrative job at Chase Bank to either become a waitress or a convenience store clerk, because my grammar was atrocious and my sentence structure was terrible.  The next one was even worse, again that I should give up my hobby and job to become a prostitute.

I kept getting these flame reviews all from the same person as the writing style and the hateful words they used were the same.  All telling me I was a horrible writer/terrible person and a liar about my experiences.  I was at my wits end and turned to my Twitter friends because the stories this person was posting reviews to were the stories I posted on Twitter.  Then one night this person mentioned a friend of mine in a review and I figured out who they were.

And I was cut so deeply at the revelation of who they were and what they were saying to me I couldn’t believe it.  I talked to several of my friends, who this person has also called pathetic for being my friends, about what to do.  I ended up blocking this person, but then I had a twinge of compassion and unblocked them, hoping that either I was wrong or they would come to me and we could talk.

Then miracles of miracles, the reviews stopped.  I got nonstop hate in July and August, but it stopped in September.  Then it started up again just this last week, only this time my hater made it  even more personal and despicable.  They went after my kids or to be more accurate my parenting skills.  I like to think that I’m strong enough to take whatever you have to throw at me, water off a duck’s back or even better to subscribe to the Katt Williams philosophy on haters, but YOU DO NOT ATTACK MY KIDS OR SAY THAT THEY NEED TO TAKEN AWAY FROM ME!

I love and adore my children.  I am a good mother.  My kids get the best care and love I can give them.  They have everything they need and I give them what they want when I can just like every good parent.  This person does not know me at all and should and cannot judge me this way as they have not seen me with my kids.

I called this person out, because they crossed too many lines.  Once I did they pretended not to know what was going on while still sending me hate reviews calling me every hateful name in the book.  They admitted that they were the one causing all the trouble in one of the reviews after I used their real name and asked me to use their screen name on Twitter.  I did just that and that’s when the denials and innocent act started.  They ended up blocking me and I them but not before asking their followers to choose between me and them.

That’s the main difference between the two of us, I would never ask such a thing, and it’s unfair to those that are friends with both.  I would like to think that people are able to make up their own minds with the evidence presented.

The thing that gets me about this whole thing is what I stated from the beginning, I love my friends.  This person was a friend or so I thought.  If I had offended them in any way, if they had just come to me and asked me about it we could have tried to work it out.  None of this had to happen, none of it.  I am truly sad that I lost someone I thought was a friend.  Words and actions can be forgiven and I wish that they would see that whatever it was that caused the rift in the first place could have been patched, if they just would have tried to reach out to me.  Again, I understand these are just words on a screen to some of you, but if you know me, you know this is true.  I guess they just didn’t know me well enough and they proved that over and over again.  I do, however wish them well in their life and hope they are able to find peace in their endeavors.